An aphorism is nothing else but the slightest
form of writing raised to the highest level of expressive communication. Carl William Brown





A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.


Charles Baudelaire (1821-1867, French poet)


I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.


David Bissonette


Adam knew Eve his wife and she conceived. It is a pity that this is still the only knowledge of their wives at which some men seem to arrive.


Francis H. Bradley (1846-1924, British philosopher)


If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.


Anne Bradstreet (1612-1672, British puritan poet)


Meek wifehood is no part of my profession; I am your friend, but never your possession.


Vera Brittain (1893-1970, British writer)


Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife.


Al Bundy (American TV character, Married with Children)


The fact is that my wife if she had common sense would have more power over me than any other whatsoever, for my heart always alights upon the nearest perch.


Lord Byron (1788-1824, British poet)


A woman asking "Am I good? Am I satisfied?" is extremely selfish. The less women fuss about themselves, the less they talk to other women, the more they try to please their husbands, the happier the marriage is going to be.


Barbara Cartland (1901-2000, British novelist)


Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy. So long as you have one good wife, you are sure to have a spiritual harem.


Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936, British author)


If I was your wife Sir, I'd poison you! Madam, if you were my wife, I'd let you!


Winston Churchill (1874-1965, British statesman, Prime Minister)


The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.


Cyril Connolly (1903-1974, British critic)


The majority of persons choose their wives with as little prudence as they eat. They see a troll with nothing else to recommend her but a pair of thighs and choice hunkers, and so smart to void their seed that they marry her at once. They imagine they can live in marvelous contentment with handsome feet and ambrosial buttocks. Most men are accredited fools shortly after they leave the womb.


Edward Dahlberg (1900-1977, American author, critic)


Many a promising career has been wrecked by marrying the wrong sort of woman. The right sort of woman can distinguish between Creative Lassitude and plain shiftlessness.


Robertson Davies (1913-1995, Canadian novelist, journalist)


The road to success is filled with women pushing their husbands along.


Thomas Robert Dewar


It's my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained.


Charles Dickens (1812-1870, British novelist)


A man would prefer to come home to an unmade bed and a happy woman than to a neatly made bed and an angry woman.


Marlene Dietrich (1904-1992, German-born American film actor)


If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he married.


Kirk Douglas (1916-, American actor)


Nature meant for me a wife, a silly harmless household Dove, fond without art; and kind without deceit.


John Dryden (1631-1700, British poet, dramatist, critic)


The argument between wives and whores is an old one; each one thinking that whatever she is, at least she is not the other.


Andrea Dworkin (1946-, American feminist critic)


When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.


Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (1921-, British Prince, husband of Queen Elizabeth II)


That's what a man wants in a wife, mostly; he wants to make sure one fool tells him he's wise.


George Eliot (1819-1880, British novelist)


A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.


Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882, American poet, essayist)


Never take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.


Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790, American scientist, publisher, diplomat)


Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.


Thomas Fuller (1608-1661, British clergyman, author)


He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.


Thomas Fuller (1608-1661, British clergyman, author)


I... chose my wife as she did her wedding-gown, not for a fine glossy surface, but such qualities as would wear well.


Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774, Anglo-Irish author, poet, playwright)


Such a wife as I want... must be young, handsome I lay most stress upon a good shape, sensible a little learning will do, well-bread, chaste, and tender. As to religion, a moderate stock will satisfy me. She must believe in God and hate a saint.


Alexander Hamilton (1757-1804,  American  statesman)


In that second it dawned on me that I had been living here for eight years with a strange man and had borne him three children.


Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906, Norwegian dramatist)


In your power, all the same. Subject to your will and your demands. No longer free! No! That's a thought I'll never endure! Never.


Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906, Norwegian dramatist)


A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.


Samuel Johnson (1709-1784, British author)


A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.


Samuel Johnson (1709-1784, British author)


Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.


Groucho Marx (1895-1977, American comic actor)


A pretty wife is something for the fastidious vanity of a roue to retire upon.


Thomas Moore (1779-1852, Irish poet)


If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.


Ogden Nash (1902-1971, American humorous poet)


Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the field among the harvesters.


Czechoslovakian Proverb (Sayings of Czech origin)


Marry a mountain girl and you marry the whole mountain.


Irish Proverb (Sayings of Irish origin)


Your wife and your wheelbarrow are two things that you should never lend to anyone.


Luxembourg Proverb


To truly love your wife, leave her alone every once in a while.


Malaysian Proverb


No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.


Helen Rowland (1875-1950, American journalist)


The philosophy of the common man is an old wife that gives him no pleasure, yet he cannot live without her, and resents any aspersions that strangers may cast on her character.


George Santayana (1863-1952, American philosopher, poet)


To suckle fools, and chronicle small beer.


William Shakespeare (1564-1616, British poet, playwright, actor)


This comes of James teaching me to think for myself, and never to hold back out of fear of what other people may think of me. It works beautifully as long as I think the same things as he does.


George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950, Irish-born British dramatist)


I'm sorry to say my dear wife is a dreamer, and as she dreams she gets paler and leaner. Then be off to your Dream, with his fly-away hat, I stay with the girls who are happy and fat.


Stevie Smith


Such indeed is the superior longevity of the fair females of Surinam, compared to that of the males (owing chiefly, as I said, to their excesses of all sorts) that I have frequently known wives who have buried four husbands, but never met a man in this country who had survived two wives.


Captain J. G. Stedman (1744-1797, British soldier, author, artist)


An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.'


Booth Tarkington (1869-1946, American writer)


He will hold thee, when his passion shall have spent its novel force, something better than his dog, a little dearer than his horse.


Lord Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892, British poet)


In America a woman loses her independence for ever in the bonds of matrimony. While there is less constraint on girls there than anywhere else, a wife submits to stricter obligations. For the former, her father's house is a home of freedom and pleasure; for the latter, her husband's is almost a cloister.


Alexis De Tocqueville (1805-1859, French social philosopher)


A good wife and health is a mans best wealth.


Author Unknown


A perfect wife is one who helps her husband with the dishes.


Author Unknown


Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do... but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.


Author Unknown


I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.


Author Unknown


She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.


Author Unknown


When I think of a merry, happy, free young girl -- and look at the ailing, aching state a young wife generally is doomed to -- which you can't deny is the penalty of marriage.


Queen Victoria (1819-1901, British queen)


London is full of women who trust their husbands. One can always recognize them. They look so thoroughly unhappy.


Oscar Wilde (1856-1900, British author, wit)


The clog of all pleasure, the luggage of life, is the best can be said for a very good wife.


John Wilmot (1647-1680, British courtier, poet)


He's a fool that marries, but he's a greater that does not marry a fool; what is wit in a wife good for, but to make a man a cuckold?


William Wycherley (1640-1716, British dramatist)


I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.


Henny Youngman (1906-1998, American actor, comedian)


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