An aphorism is nothing else but the slightest
form of writing raised to the highest level of expressive communication. Carl William Brown





You, that are going to be married, think things can never be done too fast: but we that are old, and know what we are about, must elope methodically, madam.


Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774, Anglo-Irish author, poet, playwright)


Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.


James Graham (1612-1650, Scottish general)


I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.


Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894, American author, wit, poet)


Every time a woman makes herself laugh at her husband's often told jokes she betrays him. The man who looks at his woman and says "What would I do without you?" is already destroyed.


Germaine Greer (1939-, Australian feminist writer)


I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.


Lewis Grizzard


Instead of getting married again. I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.


Lewis Grizzard


Marriage, for a woman at least, hampers the two things that made life to me glorious -- friendship and learning.


Jane Harrison (1850-1928, British classical scholar, writer)


The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible.


Carolyn Heilbrun (1926-, American author, educator)


Matrimony is the high sea for which no compass has yet to be invented.


Heinrich Heine (1797-1856, German poet, journalist)


Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."


Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961, American writer)


If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.


Katharine Hepburn (1907-2003, American actress, writer)


Try to take for a mate a person of your own neighborhood.


Hesiod (8th century BC Greek poet)


She is a wife who is the soul of her husband.


Hitopadesa (600-1100 AD, Sanskrit fable from Panchatantra)


When a husband is embraced without affection, there must be some reason for it.


Hitopadesa (600-1100 AD, Sanskrit fable from Panchatantra)


There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.


Homer (c. 850 -? BC, Greek epic poet)


All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.


Edgar Watson Howe (1853-1937, American journalist, author)


Polygamy is an endeavor to get more out of life than there is in it.


Elbert Hubbard (1859-1915, American author, publisher)


My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.


Kin Hubbard (1868-1930, American humorist, journalist)


Heaven will be no heaven to me if I do not meet my wife there.


Andrew Jackson (1767-1845, American President (7th))


All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that causes all the problems.


Raymond Hull


Americans, who make more of marrying for love than any other people, also break up more or their marriages, but the figure reflects not so much the failure of love as the determination not to live without it.


Morton Hunt


A marriage based on full confidence, based on complete and unqualified frankness on both sides; they are not keeping anything back; there's no deception underneath it all. If I might so put it, it's an agreement for the mutual forgiveness of sin.


Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906, Norwegian dramatist)


Marriage is the torment of one, the felicity of two, the strife and enmity of three.


Washington Irving (1783-1859, American author)


It is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off!


Douglas Jerold


Marriage is like wine. It is not properly judged until the second glass.


Douglas William Jerrold (1803-1857, British humorist, playwright)


Marriage is a mistake every man should make.


Sir George Jessel (1824-1883, British judge)


Marriage is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole family -- a domestic church.


John Paul II (1920, Polish-born Italian pope)


By taking a second wife he pays the highest compliment to the first: showing that she made him so happy as a married man, that he wishes to be so a second time.


Samuel Johnson (1709-1784, British author)


It is not from reason and prudence that people marry, but from inclination.


Samuel Johnson (1709-1784, British author)


Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.


Samuel Johnson (1709-1784, British author)


Marriage is the best state for man in general, and every man is a worst man in proportion to the level he is unfit for marriage.


Samuel Johnson (1709-1784, British author)


Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.


Erica Jong (1942-, American author)


There is a rhythm to the ending of a marriage, just like the rhythm of a courtship -- only backward. You try to start again but get into blaming over and over. Finally you are both worn out, exhausted, hopeless. Then lawyers are called in to pick clean the corpses. The death has occurred much earlier.


Erica Jong (1942-, American author)


Love in marriage should be the accomplishment of a beautiful dream, and not, as it too often is, the end.


Alphonse Karr


I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then it was too late.


Max Kauffman


Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.


Jean Kerr (1923-, American author, playwright)


Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.


Ellen Key (1849-1926, Swedish author, feminist)


Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.


Ellen Key (1849-1926, Swedish author, feminist)


Marriage brings one into fatal connection with custom and tradition, and traditions and customs are like the wind and weather, altogether incalculable.


Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855, Danish philosopher, writer)


Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.


F. M. Knowles


Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom.


Karl Kraus (1874-1936, Austrian satirist)


Marriage, it seems, confines every man to his proper rank.


Jean De La Bruyere (1645-1696, French classical writer)


Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.


Francois De La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680, French classical writer)


Progress of a marriage: "There was a time when you couldn't make me happy. Now the time has come when you can make me unhappy."


Irving Layton (1912-, Canadian poet)


All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest -- never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.


Ann Landers (1918-, American advice columnist)


Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquillity of a lovely sunset.


Ann Landers (1918-, American advice columnist)


Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.


Stephen B. Leacock (1869-1944, Canadian humorist, economist)


Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip.


John Lennon (1940-1980, British rock musician)


Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.


Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865, American President (16th))


Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.


Martin Luther (1483-1546, German leader of the protestant reformation)


Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.


John Lyly (c.1554-1606, British writer)


The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.


Gabriel Garcia Marquez (1928-, Colombian writer)


The sum and substance of female education in America, as in England, is training women to consider marriage as the sole object in life, and to pretend that they do not think so.


Harriet Martineau (1802-1876, British writer, social critic)


One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.


Groucho Marx (1895-1977, American comic actor)


Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.  The rest cheat in Europe.


Jackie Mason (1931-, American comedian)


A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.


Andre Maurois (1885-1967, French writer)


A marriage without conflicts is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crises.


Andre Maurois (1885-1967, French writer)


You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. A successful marriage demands a certain death to self.


Jerry W. McCant


There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.


Donald H. McGannon


Say what you will, making marriage work is a woman's business. The institution was invented to do her homage; it was contrived for her protection. Unless she accepts it as such -- as a beautiful, bountiful, but quite unequal association -- the going will be hard indeed.


Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978, American poet, author)


A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.


Mignon McLaughlin (1915-, American author, editor)


I've been married three times -- and each time I married the right person.


Margaret Mead (1901-1978, American anthropologist)


The institution of marriage in all societies is a pattern within which the strains put by civilization on males and females alike must be resolved, a pattern within which men must learn, in return for a variety of elaborate rewards, new forms in which sexual spontaneity is still possible, and women must learn to discipline their receptivity to a thousand other considerations.


Margaret Mead (1901-1978, American anthropologist)


For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.


H. L. Mencken (1880-1956, American editor, author, critic, humorist)


Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.


H. L. Mencken (1880-1956, American editor, author, critic, humorist)


After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms.. both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.


Dennis Miller (1953-, American comedian, actor, TV host)


Love is often the fruit of marriage.


Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673, French playwright)


We often marry in despair, so that we repent of it all our life after.


Jean Baptiste Moliere (1622-1673, French playwright)


A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.


Michel Eyquem De Montaigne (1533-1592, French philosopher, essayist)


If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.


Michel Eyquem De Montaigne (1533-1592, French philosopher, essayist)


Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.


Michel Eyquem De Montaigne (1533-1592, French philosopher, essayist)


We cannot do without it, and yet we disgrace and vilify the same. It may be compared to a cage, the birds without despair to get in, and those within despair to get out.


Michel Eyquem De Montaigne (1533-1592, French philosopher, essayist)


In almost every marriage there is a selfish and an unselfish partner. A pattern is set up and soon becomes inflexible, of one person always making the demands and one person always giving way.


Iris Murdoch (1919-, British novelist, philosopher)


Marriage should be a duet -- when one sings, the other claps.


Joe Murray


Successful marriage is always a triangle: a man, a woman, and God.


Cecil Myers


Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the  window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.


Ogden Nash (1902-1971, American humorous poet)


There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.


Ogden Nash (1902-1971, American humorous poet)


To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.


Ogden Nash (1902-1971, American humorous poet)


The secret to a happy marriage is to tell your spouse everything, but the essentials.


Cynthia Nelms


A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.


Nanette Newman


It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.


Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900, German philosopher)


The best friend is likely to acquire the best wife, because a good marriage is based on the talent for friendship.


Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900, German philosopher)


Only as far as a man is happily married to himself is he fit for married life and family life in general.


Novalis (1772-1801, German poet, novelist)


If you wish to marry suitably, marry your equal.


Ovid (BC 43-18 AD, Roman poet)


Quarrels are the dowry which married folk bring one another.


Ovid (BC 43-18 AD, Roman poet)


My wife isn't married to me forever; she's married to me for good. That keeps me on my toes.


Mal Pancoast


In marriage do thou be wise; prefer the person before money; virtue before beauty; the mind before the body.


William Penn (1644-1718, British religious leader, founder of Pennsylvania)


Saw a wedding in the church. It was strange to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.


Samuel Pepys (1633-1703, British diarist)


God invented concubinage, Satan marriage.


Francis Picabia (1878-1953, French painter, poet)


I think like any marriage, especially when you’ve had divorced parents like myself, you’d want to try even harder to make it work.


Princess Diana (1961-1997, British Princess)


Be to their virtue very kind; be to their faults a little blind.


Matthew Prior (1664-1721, British diplomat, poet)


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